Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
