theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Randomize
