Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Randomize
