She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
