is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
How does one acquire holy water?
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
