I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
i believe in u and ur pee
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
