I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
