my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
