he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
