He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
Randomize
