from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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