I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize