i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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