You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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