he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
