my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
