Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
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