Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
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