party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
