Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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