you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
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