fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
mondays should just be called national damage control day
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
