If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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