She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
