I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
