Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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