Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
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