Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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