Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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