I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Randomize
