Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
