And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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