I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
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