they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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