I'm going to jail i love you
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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