he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize