I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
