it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
