I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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