I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Randomize