i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
I queefed so loud it echoed.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
