There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Randomize
