I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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