think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
