only you would photoshop your dick
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Randomize
