He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Randomize
