I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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