i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
