So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
