I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
