Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
