"it" just moved
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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