the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
