She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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