When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
