i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
