I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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