The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
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