that's an acceptable place to lick
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
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