To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
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