Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
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