Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Randomize
