reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Randomize
