I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
