i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I'm too high and old for this...
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
