Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
