I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
