Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
