idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
