This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
