I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
