trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Randomize
