conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
We left an ass print on the piano.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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