I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Randomize
