oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Randomize
