If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
