On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
