the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
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