I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I need to stop coming to work sober
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
