She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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