I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
