Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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