Pregnant stripper...not hot.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Randomize
