I'm going to jail i love you
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
