she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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