If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
